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User talk:Man's best friend
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Jagan a page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 18:43, February 27, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 07:50, March 1, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story There were actually quite a lot of issues here. I would suggest using the writer's workshop with your next story as I may overlook some errors while writing this. Starting with the basics, this is how a majority of your story was formatted: "Take only the day before, when he had a brawl with one of the big jerks of the class. It was pretty obvious he had to be on the losing side, but, the way he tried to defend himself, making unusual hand gestures. And believe me, his opponent actually" Punctuation issues: commas/colons missing before dialogue. "screamed "Yes! I did it!".", "Gesture Guy yelled(,) "HA...", etc. Punctuation left outside of dialogue. ""Yes! I did it!".(period not needed)", "yelled "HAADI!",(comma not needed)", etc. Awkward wording: "After that, the jerk did not come to school for a week, and a few days later, news came that the jerk (redundant) had had a serious car accident, and could suffer paralysis for a long time.", " So remember, if you ever come across a guy in black, with many amulets and bracelets, and notice an unnerving sly grin on his face, ignore him. If he talks to you, then you have no choice, respond, but nicely, or else....because, like every other creepy child in every other school, this one also exists.", etc. Words incorrectly used: "an altogether new cycle of incredulity began to develop around him" Incredulity means "the state of being unwilling or unable to believe something." or basically denial. It doesn't work in that sentence unless you specify that it is due to his actions or reflecting onto him. "who gave him a hard ear for his dress code," Maybe this is a colloquialism I'm unaware of, but I've only heard a 'hard ear' used when reflecting someone is being stubborn/not listening. "a gust of wind impaled teacher in the chest, and he fell tumbling backwards." Impale actually implies piercing. ("to pierce or transfix with a sharp instrument") It doesn't really work in the story as the teacher gets up without any issues moments later. The words you could use in place would be "slammed", "buffeted", "battered", etc. Story issues: Here's where a majority of the issues were. There is a real lack of progression or description here. "Ultimately, though, the jerk did win the duel, but it wasn't after sometime that we could hear the "gesture guy" mumbling chants under his breath" How did the jerk win the duel? There isn't any real mention of anything physical going on besides the "Gesture Man's" gestures and even those are incredibly nondescript. That being pointed out, why exactly is the professor attributing the gust of wind 'impaling' him with the Gesture Man? There really isn't much connection. Moments you really have to build up how terrifying/frightening this person is are not delved into. Story issues cont.: The asides really don't work too well. "...actually apologized for scolding him the other day,and(space missing) passed him with full marks. LOL" Focusing more on the story itself, it feels very rushed and comes off like a typical OC/CPC introduction to a character and there isn't any real sense of character building/explanation. What reason does the audience have to fear the Gesture Guy (side note: he should really be renamed.)? In fact, how does he even have any of his powers, and why does he only start using them recently? This story really needs a lot of work here and ends up coming off as a means of introducing your character without any real sense of driving plot or conflict which has been an issue with CPC/OC stories in the past. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 08:46, March 1, 2016 (UTC) new girlfriend reading You can absolutely do a reading of it if you like. Just be sure you rehearse before recording and uploading your final take: too many readers stutter and stammer their way through their readings without bothering to rehearse or redo bad takes.--Mikemacdee (talk) 12:43, March 9, 2016 (UTC) ∆ SoPretentious ∆ 16:58, March 12, 2016 (UTC) :NP, please leave headers on talk page messages with two equal signs on each side of a topic like this to keep things more organized. : ∆ SoPretentious ∆ 21:14, March 12, 2016 (UTC) Warning The last few categories you have added to stories have been incorrect. Please carefully read stories before adding applicable categories. Failure to do so will result in either a day long ban or a ban for pointsgaming depending on the severity. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:54, March 27, 2016 (UTC) youtube reading Sure, you can read it! As long as you're the type of youtuber who rehearses before recording. Most readers bungle their way through a single cold reading with loud, inappropriate music, because they care more about channel hits than doing a good job. If you're not one 'o them, I'm totally down with it. --Mikemacdee (talk) 07:45, March 29, 2016 (UTC) Comments Please don't just comment with a single word like 'Ploopy'. It's considered spam ChristianWallis (talk) 16:36, March 22, 2017 (UTC) Re: Filter It's due to the question mark in the title. That being said, looking over your story, there is a massive amount of coding errors that make the text next to impossible to read. As such I would strongly recommend using the writer's workshop as you've had stories deleted in the past. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:26, April 3, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:28, April 3, 2017 (UTC) :I'm sorry, but I would strongly suggest looking over the advice given above as you seem to be repeating a lot of the same issues there as you are here. This is going to require quite a lot of revision to fix the punctuation, capitalization, wording, and story issues if you intend to make a deletion appeal to re-post the story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:51, April 4, 2017 (UTC) Re: View I'll try to review it tomorrow as I'm unfortunately heading off in a bit. I would suggest in the meantime you can fix up the coding issues (view the thread in editor mode to see what I'm talking about " Everybody loves Saturdays, don’t they? "). As it's something that will need to be corrected anyways, you can get a bit of a head start. Just switch to source mode in preferences (there's no real need to have it on visual editor anyway), copy/paste the thread, add the spaces back in, and post over to remove the 10,000 or so extra characters. Sorry for the delay, but it's late on my end. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:34, May 7, 2017 (UTC) Re: App Sorry, but I'm not tied to the app in any way (which is likely a good thing since my technical prowess is minimal at best). I couldn't really help with any of those issues you found. I'll pass it on to our founder, ClericofMadness, but I'm not too sure how involved he is with the project. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:37, June 11, 2017 (UTC) :Talked to Cleric and apparently Wikia Staff is in charge of the app so any concerns/issues should be brought to their attention to see how they want to respond. (I haven't really used the app so I'm unsure of how to reach them other than the Community Central Wiki. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:01, June 11, 2017 (UTC) Re: View I reviewed it, I'm also noticing that you're repeating a lot of the same errors that I/others have pointed out before. I would suggest spending time carefully reading over feedback and taking it into account when writing. I hope you're feeling better and will be able to go outside. Take care. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:04, August 30, 2017 (UTC)